The  Georgia  Colonel. 


RESPONSE  OF 

MR.  JOSEPH  B.  CUMMIING 


TO  THE  TOAST 


“GEORGIA, 


? ? 


AT  THE 

Banquet  of  the  Sons  of  the  Revolution, 


At  Savannah,  February  7,  1898. 


AUGUSTA,  GA. 

Tlie  Chronicle  Printing  Company. 
11100. 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2016  with  funding  from 
Duke  University  Libraries 


https://archive.org/details/georgiacolonelreOOcumm 


THE  GEORGIA  COLONEL.” 


(Reprint  from  the  Atlanta  Journal  of  March  1898.) 

Major  Joseph  B.  Gumming,  of  Augusta,  one  of  the  State’s 
lending  lawyers  and  most  polished  orators,  at  the  recent  banquet 
of  the  Sons  of  the  Revolution  in  Savannah,  responded  to  the 
tOcSt  “Georgia.” 

His  treatment  of  the  subject  was  decidedly  unique  and  clever. 
He  spoke  as  follows: 

Dr.  Holmes,  in  The  Autocrat,  speaks  of  a certain  pert  young 
man,  who  sat  at  that  immortal  breakfast  table,  named  John.  The 
humorist  takes  occasion,  in  discussing  this  youngster,  to 
advance  the  proposition  that  every  individual  is  in  reality  a 
trinity — in  the  particular  instance  under  review  by  the  writer  the 
trinity  includes  three  Johns,  viz.:  the  John  known  to  his  Maker, 
the  ideal  John  that  lives  in  John's  conception  of  himself,  and 
John  as  he  appears  to  his  fellowmen.  The  two  ideal  Johns  are 
apt  to  be  different  from  each  other  and  are  sure  to  be  different 
from  the  real  John,  known  to  his  Maker. 

It  seems  to  me  that  Georgia  is  a similar  trinity . When  I speak 
of  Georgia  I do  not  mean  a certain  territory  with  its  geographical, 
meteorological  and  physical  characteristics  generally,  but  a peo- 
ple, a social  and  political  aggregation . Of  this  trinity,  of  course, 
the  Georgia  which  really  exists  is  known  to  its  Maker,  and  as 
that  Georgia  is  not  my  theme,  I shall  only  say  of  it,  that  in  view 
of  the  awful  certainty  and  completeness  of  that  knowledge,  we 
should  be  humbly  grateful  that  our  Maker  is  long  suffering  and 
plenteous  in  mercy.  Neither  is  my  theme  that  member  of  the 
trinity,  which  is  the  Georgia  that  appears  to  our  fellowmen.  The 
little  I shall  have  to  say  will  relate  to  the  Georgia — -the  socio- 
political entity  passing  under  that  name— which  we  picture  to 
our  own  thoughts. 


2 


you  all  recall  the  highly  disappointing,  not  to  say  dishonest, 
conduct  of  Balaam.  You  remember  that  he  was  hired  by  Balak 
to  curse  the  children  of  Israel  and  furnished  with  quite  a remark- 
able donkey  to  ride  to  certain  high  places  for  that  purpose;  but 
Balak  had  this  just  complaint  to  make  of  him:  “I  took  thee  to 
curse  them,  and  behold  thou  hast  blessed  them  altogether.” 

Now,  I am  afraid  my  performance  on  this  occasion  will  be  in 
a mild  degree  somewhat  after  the  manner  of  Balaam's — with  a 
difference.  Whereas,  presumably  I was  brought  to  this  high 
place  to  praise,  behold  I shall  censure,  not  “altogether,”  bui 
somewhat . I shall  not  actually  malign  Georgia,  but  really  I can- 
not gush  over  her.  I cannot  for  the  life  of  me,  be  altogether 
insensible  to  some  of  her  weaknesses,  or  refrain  from  discussing 
them  when  it  is  in  order  to  speak  of  her  at  all . She  has  plenty 
and  to  spare  of  eulogists.  A critic  now  and  then  will  be  in  place, 
especially  if,  like  myself,  he  is  imbued  with  a filial  spirit;  for  1 
am  a Georgian  as  my  ancestors  have  been  for  three  generations. 

For  some  inscrutable  reason,  it  is  the  habit  of  mairy  Georgians 
to  speak  of  Georgia  as  if  she  possessed  some  peculiar  and  signal 
superiority  and  precedence  over  other  communities  composed 
from  like  elements.  One  of  the  earliest  and  mildest  manifesta- 
tions of  this  spirit  is  the  addition  of  another  syllable  to  the  State’s 
name.  This  is  effected  by  dividing  the  first  syllable  into  two, 
by  which  process  we  get  Ge-orgia.  But  this  is  the  simplest  and 
least  complex  form  of  the  dementia,  is  entirely  harmless  and 
need  not  receive  further  notice. 

Again,  how  many  of  us  instead  of  saying  simply  “Georgia," 
when  there  is  occasion  to  speak  of  the  State  otherwise  than 
merely  colloquially,  must  need  fill  our  mouths  with  “grand  old 
Georgia.”  Wherefore  grand0  What  is  her  peculiar  grandeur 
Which  excuses  such  vaporing?  And  as  for  “old,”  if  there  is  any 
reason  for  bragging  of  ag-e,  let  us  remember,  especially  on  this 
occasion,  that  Georgia — Ge-orgia,  if  you  choose — is  the  young- 
est of  the  original  thirteen.  Again,  among  many  enthusiasts  it  is 
impossible  to  speak  of  this  fairly  respectable  commonwealth  by 
any  other  appellation  than  the  “Empire  State  of  the  South.”  Why 
“empire7”  What  is  there  imperial  about  her?  Whence  cometh  the 
warrant  for  such  arrogance?  By  what  larger  possession  of  those 


3 


things  which  make  empires  does  she  presume  to  rate  relatively 
as  provinces  any  one  of  her  sisters,  that  on  the  north  or  the  south, 
the  east  or  the  west  touch  the  hem  of  her  imperial  garments? 
The  Carolinas,  with  their  wide  territory,  their  fertile  fields  and 
their  rivers,  their  mountains  and  their  ocean-washed  shores — • 
and  that  which  makes  the  glory  of  empires,  their  illustrious  his- 
tory in  peace  and  war;  Tennessee,  the  rich  and  the  bountiful, 
smiling  like  a garden,  stretching  as  far  east  and  west  as  Georgia 
does  north  and  south,  traversed  by  great  rivers  and  bounded  by 
greater,  contributing,  too,  her  full  quota  of  illustrious  men  to 
the  common  country’s  history;  Alabama,  born  of  Georgia,  taken 
out  of  Georgia’s  side,  her  people  our  people,  her  territory  and 
her  population  hardly  less  than  ours;  her  soil,  her  mines,  her 
rivers,  her  climate  equal  to  ours,  her  past  as  honorable  and  her 
future  as  promising;  and  Florida,  the  wonderful  peninsula,  rest- 
ing on  her  couch  of  coral,  bathed  by  two  seas,  fanned  by  the 
breezes  of  Gulf  and  Ocean,  with  the  opulence  of  the  sub-tropics 
and  the  beauty  and  surprises  of  dreamland — why  are  these  prov- 
inces while  Georgia  an  empire  is? 

Why,  if  Georgia  is  an  empire,  be  these  not  empires  also?  I 
can  go  only  a part  of  the  journey  with  him,  who  discovers  some 
peculiar  excellence  in  Georgia,  making  her  better  than  her  sis- 
ters. When  she  is  called  an  empire,  I echo  the  phrase.  Yes,  as 
I stated  in  an  address  years  ago:  “In  extent  an  empire.  A 

heaven-favored  land.  In  natural  advantages,  of  endless  variety. 
In  potentialities  for  the  future,  of  boundless  promise.  One  can 
within  her  borders  breathe  the  bracing  atmosphere  of  the  moun- 
tains, and  yet  again,  still  within  her  boundaries,  be  fanned  by  the 
soft  airs  coming  up  from  the  not  distant  tropics.  Great  rivers 
traverse  her  wide  territory  and  the  boundless  ocean  receives  them 
at  her  doors.  Her  fertile  plains  wTave  with  bountiful  harvests. 
Her  hills  are  covered  with  priceless  timber.  The  sides  of  her 
mountains  scarcely  conceal  the  rich  mines  they  hold.”  All  this 
is  true.  But  is  it  not  true  also  of  her  neighbors  on  the  right  hand 
and  on  the  left,  above  and  below?  If  we  speak  of  her  distin- 
guished men,  her  statesmen,  her  soldiers.  Yes,  she  has  and  has 
had  them  and  it  is  her  right  to  be  proud.  But  any  more  so  than 
any  other  of  that  band  of  sisters,  who  have  shared  with  her  the 


4 


same  good  and  evil  fortune  from  the  beginning?  So,  before  indul- 
ging in  bragging  in  any  key,  let  us  take  thought  and  consider 
whether  we  have  any  call  to  do  so.  Let  us  see  whether  there  is 
not  a more  pressing  need  for  reformers  than  for  trumpeters. 
Let  us,  instead  of  boasting,  try  to  come  nearer  a worthy  ideal. 
Let  our  public  men  lay  aside  somewhat  of  pure  demagogy  and 
become  in  some  degree  at  least  brave  leaders  of  public  opinion 
rather  than  the  subservient  followers  of  popular  movements, 
which  they  know  to-  be  wrong  and  the  mere  madness  of  the  passing 
hour.  Let  our  lawyers  purge  their  ranks  of  shysters,  barrators  and 
“bailiffers.”  Let  our  farmers  become  more  thrifty.  Let  our 
merchants  be  more  enterprising.  Let  our  newspaper  men  learn 
to  prefer  truth  to  sensation.  Let  our  railroad  men  be — well, 
better  than  they  are.  Let  our  doctors  operate  less  often  for 
appendicitis.  Let  our  women  be — just  what  they  are,  God  bless 
them! — and  we  shall  have  attained  much  nearer  a proper 
crowing  perch  than  we  are  now  roosting  upon. 

I know  that  in  pursuing  this  line  of  talk  I am  not  living  up  to 
the  traditions  of  such  occassions.  To  respond  to  a toast  at  such 
times  is  generally  to  eulogize  its  subject.  I wish  I could  do  so 
with  a clear  conscience.  I am  so  sensible — though  most  cer- 
tainly not  in  any  pharisaical  spirit — of  the  foibles  and  weaknesses 
embraced  in  the  limits  of  the  politico-social  entity  we  call  Geor- 
gia, that  I find  it  impossible  to  soar  in  its  behalf  into  the  realm 
of  eulogy.  If  one  must  speak  about  Georgia,  I would  have  him, 
even  in  the  festive  atmosphere  of  a banquet,  improve  the  occa- 
sion, not  exactly  to  preach  a sermon,  but  to  protest  gravely, 
more  in  sorrow  than  in  anger,  against  some  of  the  follies  and 
worse,  which  pass  unchallenged,  and  thus,  rather  than  by  mis- 
placed eulogy,  show  his  love  for  Georgia.  Just  think  of  the  good 
this  noble  society  could  do  in  -one  or  two  centuries  of  its  life,  by 
having  a sermon  preached  at  each  annual  reunion  from  the  text 
“Georgia" — by  once  a year  making  a determined  onslaught  on 
some  derision-provoking  foible  or  some  insolent  evil  now  tol- 
erated in  our  midst. 

I venture  with  your  permission  to  make  a beginning  this 
evening  in  this  missionary  work.  I take  as  my  text  for  a short 


5 


discourse  the  Georgia  Colonel.  I do  not  claim  that  in  doing  this 
I am  assailing  the  greatest  evil  that  raises  its  head  in  Georgia, 
but  I do  say  that  it  is  the  one  which  afflicts  a proud  and  sensitive 
Georgian  most.  We  can  stand  abuse,  we  can  endure  poverty,  we 
can  survive  oppression,  we  can  tolerate  wickedness  of  various 
grades  and  species.  But  to  be  laughed  at,  to  be  the  object  of  ridi- 
cule, to  be  the  subject  of  perennial  derision,  to  have  a perpetual 
horse  laugh,  maintained  at  our  expense,  roaring  in  our  ears — - 
this  is  an  evil,  the  removal  of  which  is  well  worth  the  effort  of 
the  Sons  of  the  Revolution,  or  anybody  else’s  sons.  Whence 
comes  this  particular  affliction?  That  is  the  first  division  of  my 
discourse.  What  is  the  remedy?  That  is  the  second  division. 

I am  unable  to  find  a satisfactory  answer  to  my  first  question. 

I am  sorely  puzzled.  It  is  to  me  a most  inscrutable  pschyco- 
social  problem.  I rack  my  brain  in  vain  for  an  explanation  of 
the  mad  passion  of  our  people  to  call  and  be  called — colonel.  It  is 
a form  of  mild  dementia,  sinking  to  the  grade  of  imbecility  and 
idiocy,  which  baffles  explanation.  If  the  fact  did  not  surely  live 
before  our  eyes,  we  should  not  be  able  to  believe  that  some 
thousands  of  the  white  male  citizens  of  Georgia,  who  know 
nothing  of  the  manual  of  arms,  who  cannot  even  keep  step,  who 
never  entertainted  for  a moment  the  idea  of  following  a military 
career,  delight  in  being  called — colonel. 

Nay,  more;  the  withholding  of  this  title  from  any  public  or 
quasi  public  man,  legislator,  lawyer,  tax  collector,  mayor,  coun- 
cilman, coroner — indeed  any  man  who  stands  out  ever  so  little 
from  the  mass  of  the  little  community  in  which  he  lives — is  looked 
upon  in  many  parts  of  the  State  of  Georgia,  as  nothing  less  than 
a slight.  Attend  any  State  court,  at  least  outside  of  the  cities,  and 
in  what  an  army  of  colonels  you  find  yourself.  Every  lawyer,  from 
the  youngest  to  the  oldest,  has  left  his  regiment  somewhere — - 
the  Lord  only  knows  where — to  attend  the  court.  Read  in  our 
papers  of  any  incident,  however  pacific  and  involving  however 
little  occasion  for  the  service  of  the  military  arm,  and  you  will 
find  that  all  the  actors  in  it  are — colonels.  The  judge  on  the 
bench,  the  editor  in  his  sanctum  contribute  their  aid  to  keep 
this  strange  folly  going. 

The  future  painstaking  historian  will  be  greatly  perplexed 
and  probably  misled,  when  he  comes  to  deal  with 


6 


this  period  in  his  “History  of  the  People  of  Georgia.”  Like  every 
conscientious  and  judicious  writer  of  history,  he  will,  to  the  full- 
est extent,  consult  contemporaneous  documents  and  the  current 
every  day  literature  of  the  people  he  is  dscribing.  How  very 
reasonable  it  will  be  in  him  to  write  such  passages  as  this: 

“At  that  period  there  was  for  more  than  a generation  an  epoch 
of  unrest  and  anxiety,  the  causes  of  which  are  very  difficult  to 
discover  at  this  day  by  the  most  diligent  research.  But  for  some 
reason  the  people  of  Georgia  lived  throughout  this  period  under 
martial  law.  All  the  usual  civil  functions  were  performed  by 
military  officers.  Indeed,  civilians  seem  for  many  years  not  to 
have  been  eligible  to  office.  From  these  data  an  estimate  may 
be  made  by  the  careful  and  judicious  historian  of  the  vast  mili- 
tary establishment  of  this  people  at  that  period  and  also  of  the 
density  of  the  population  necessary  to  sustain  such  an  establish- 
ment. For  a careful  consideration  of  contemporary  documents  will 
show,  that  apparently  even  military  officers  were  not  eligible  to 
civil  office  until  they  had  attained  the  rank  of  colonel.  As  it  is 
well  known  that  in  the  military  organization  of  that  age  a 
colonel  was  the  leader  of  1,000  men,  and  as  there  were  not  less 
than  5,000  colonels,  we  can  safely  conclude  that  the  standing 
army  of  the  state  was  5,000,000 — which,  of  course,  implies  a cor- 
responding population . ” 

So  things  will  appear — and  naturally,  too,- — to  our  judicious 
historian.  But  we,  who  live  in  the  time  of  this  remarkable  folly, 
know  that  if  the  whole  normal  arms-bearing  population  were 
distributed  equally  among  the  colonels,  each  would  have  a fol- 
lowing of  about  five  men.  Falstaff  was  ashamed  to  march 
through  Coventry  with  his  scarecrow  company,  but  that  was  a 
martial  host  which  assembled  under  his  banner,  compared  with 
the  muster  of  each  of  our  Georgia  colonels. 

If  it  were  possible  to  be  serious  in  dealing  with  this  unspeak- 
ably ridiculous  folly,  I would  note  the  injustice  which  is  done 
the  officers  of  our  organized  militia  by  this  indiscriminate  be- 
stowal of  the  title  of  colonel.  To  the  officers  of  our  organized 
State  guard  must  we  look  for  the  preservation  of  the  military 
spirit  so  essential  to  the  safety  of  the  state,  and  it  is  not  fair  to 
them  to  have  to  share  the  titles,  which  are  legally  their  due,  with 


7 


a lot  of  usurpers.  Unfair,  too,  if  indeed  the  ludicrous  feature  of 
the  thing  did  not  swallow  up  every  other  aspect  of  it,  to  the  vet- 
eran soldier,  whose  title  of  captain,  for  instance,  won  by  service 
and  wounds  and  blood,  is  outranked  on  every  side  by  whipper- 
snapper  lawyer  colonels. 

We  have  many  things  to  deplore  in  Georgia.  Frequent  homi- 
cides, the  cowardly  practice  of  the  concealed  but  ever  alert  pistol, 
the  increasing-  lync'hings.  All  these  are  bad,  very  bad.  They  deter 
immigration  and  check  our  growth . But  these  tragedies  are  more 
endurable  than  this  roaring  farce.  Oh,  that  resounding  horse 
laugh!  !Oh,  that  ringing  shout  of  derision  that  echoes  throughout 
the  iand  at  the  expense  of  the  Georgia  colonels!  Cannot  something 
be  done?  Can  we  not  have  a constitutional  amendment  on  the  sub- 
ject7 Will  not  the  legislature  at  least  intervene  with  some  meas- 
ure of  relief?  May  not  at  least  an  act  be  passed  for  the  benefit  of 
the  small  oppressed  minority  who  do  not  want  to  be  called 
colonel,  making  it  justifiable  homicide  to  kill  a man  who  fixes 
that  title  on  an  unoffending  citizen  in  the  peace  of  the  State?  If 
our  public  authorities  will  do  nothing,  will  not  the  Sons  of  the 
Revolution,  the  sons  of  sires  who  freed  the  country  from  a les- 
ser burden,  come  to  the  rescue  now? 


